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My name is Nicky and I struggle with depression. I was battling in my spirit if I really wanted to post this but God wanted me to be more transparent on my blog so here I am laying it down for you. I have been battling with depression ever since I was in my teens. I would lay in my bed all day and my mother thought I was just being a normal teenager but she had no idea that I was battling with depression on the inside. I didn't even know at the time I was battling with depression until I got older and knew what depression was. To cope with the misery as a teen I played almost every sport that I could. I ran track, played basketball, and volleyball. I truly thank God for sports because it helped me get through some of the toughest years of my life.
Fast forward to my adulthood and I am currently struggling with this dreadful condition. I have never went to the doctor even when their where times that it got so bad I wanted to take my own life. I thought to myself that people already think I am weird what will they think of me now if they found out this Christian is struggling with depression or better yet struggling with suicidal thoughts. Honestly, it is nobody but Jesus that have allowed me to make it this far without any doctor intervention. Usually I would lay in the bed all day crying without eating or drinking but now that I am pursuing Jesus like never before I have prayer warriors that always call me at the right time to pray. Thank You Jesus!!!
My healing is a process and I know that God is doing a perfect work in me. I can honestly say that the suicidal thoughts have ceased and it has been over a year now! Hallelujah!!!! I have learned to PRAISE my way through those tough times and it really helps. I will turn on my praise and worship music to allow the presence of God to come in and shift the atmosphere. If you were a fly on the wall in my home you would hear me quoting scriptures out loud and this is very therapeutic for me. Writing this post is also therapeutic for me because I feel a release as I type! No more holding this in or being afraid of what others may think of me because there is no guilt, shame or condemnation in the Kingdom of God. I am free!!
What the devil meant for evil God is turning it around for my good. So if there are anymore women that are secretly suffering from depression you are NOT alone!!!! *Please note: I am not against going to the doctor and if you cant function daily please seek medical attention* Do what is BEST for you!!!